proceleusmatic
proceleusmatic
contented
on the whole i did awesome for my exams. just a bit shy of what i was aiming to achieve but as long as i get to do my thesis, all's good. My overall CAP is now 3.98... yes 0.02 points away from my goal of 4.00! -_______-. for the semester alone i garnered a 4.3 which is great i guess... although no dean's list yet again, but i am thankful. A+ for race and ethnic relations, A for urban sociology, A- for Anthropology and the human condition, B+ for science, technology and society. and although quite expected, B- for popular culture in contemporary japan is still a pain. but that was not such a shock cos i know i did not do well for the exam.
i don't really know if i could really do a thesis yet because the pre requisites stated on the soci department webbie stated "a CAP of 4"... but the FASS webbie says either that or "SJAP of 4" (average points of major modules). i hope the latter applies too cause if not, i'll be screwed. wow... i cannot believe it but i am going into honours year. it will probably be hell but bring it on man! i'll take on the challenge!
immediate concerns:
-get that damned internship
-save money like crazy... just save every lil syilling... as much as possible (i dunno for what... but i want to have my huge savings back)
-a holiday... or something like it
-lose weight and start training for IPPT! (prolly for next feb... but i have to start now or risk doing RT!)
-be happy... try to be happy... stop whining and to be more proactive
-love myself
by the way, the weather is getting to me... dunno why but it was like a heatwave this afternoon. i actually sat in the car for a few minutes just to get some air conditioning... cause my house no air con mahhh.... no plans for the weekend but me being me, i don't mind hanging out at home. better that than being getting all sweaty outside (that's a contradiction though cos i do indeed need to sweat it out)
oh yah! another one for the list... plan section outing. miss 'em army mates of mine. it'll be a homecoming get together for CC also! and CC! tutor me in french ? for free? hahaha!
cravie |20:30
stuck
i am not going to melbourne... flight booking cancelled... some accommodation changes came up... another internship opportunity... so yeah... i guess no melbourne... tremendously disappointed but oh well... all's not lost. i get to save the money instead... and shop! haha!... since i was so sad... and my slippers decided to snap last week... i got meself this.................
a pair of havaianas from newurbanmale. i had been wanting to get those since i dunno... freshman year? hahaha... yeah... that long ago.. but got some reasons la why i didnt wanna get them..hehe... i wanted to get the normal thongs which was 29.90... but i was depressed so i think i should deserve these instead... at 49.90! MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA ! sinful spendin'!
went to send off my sis this morning... she's off to dubai now... for one month! what am i to do without her? no one to bug and make cry... no one to 'layan' my nonsense! borrrrriiiiinnnnnggggg.... anyway... i hope she has uber fun there. as for myself, i hope i get this internship... this time i really wanna get it.. not like the CDC one... cos i've bummed enough i think and i just wanna get my ass down doing something meaningful. since melbourne's a no go now, i'd better go earn some mooooolllaaaaaaaaahhhhhh for meself eh?! *friday's inching closer!!!*
cravie |16:55
melb-mate
it's more likely that fiza is joining me to melbourne come july! and that is really exciting news! at least when my bro starts school late july, i have someone to spend time with... fiza! you'd better come along yaaaaa... don't give me high hopes only!
cravie |12:31
doomsday
i can't wait for friday.
it is pathetic that grades matter so much to me.
but that's the way it is i guess.
cravie |22:03
i guess i can be anything too... cause i feel like i have never really gotten to be my real self much
Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty?
Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?
I could be wholesome
I could be loathsome
I guess Im a little bit shy
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me without making me try?
I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!
How can I help it
How can I help it
How can I help what you think?
Hello my baby
Hello my baby
Putting my life on the brink
Why dont yo like me
Why dont you like me
Why dont you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on the shelf?
I try to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad
So I try a little Freddie
Ive gone identity mad!
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!
Say what you want to satisfy yourself
But you only want what everybody else says you should want
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green
Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!
Grace Kelly lyrics
cravie |18:32
=)
cravie |17:47
raw! i don't like
treated amirul to dinner at sakae sushi, marina square... initially the plan was just the two of us cos I couldn't be bothered to wait for the other two... but the night before that, hamsa called me to a game of bowling... had a couple of rounds at the orchid country club after tuition and we hung for a bit at the seletar dam. i missed bowling so much! but now my right shoulder is aching and my right ankle is well... sore again... as usual... i can't believe that my right ankle never recovered from the surfing injury at tasmania...i don;t wanna go to the doctor's la... although i think i should.. but i'll just suck the pain up. anyway.... i the sakar sushi cost me 50 bucks! three people ate 94 bucks worth of sushi and whatnots! wow! i felt totally broke after that!........... but it's okay la... i guess... hahahaha...
amirul and i went shopping after that while hamsa left for some appointment... well amirul did the shopping, i just looked... which sucked... cos i really hate it when other people get to shop and i dont! i just got to hold his clothes for him and get him the various fittings he needed! sheessshhh... but it's alright i guess... at least i get to go overseas.=)... we ended up at suntec city's starbucks while waiting for hamsa to come meet us again... amirul and i chatted for a bit... and we got to talking about why i've been the way i am lately... cos yeah, i have not really been myself... among other things, i just realised why i am so... it did not occur to me that that was the case but not trying to sound morbid or anything, i feel like i am going to die soon... and in a pretty scary way at that. i mean i know that we all start dying the day we were born.. but the thing is, i feel death coming for me... death seems pretty imminent these days... and i am really freaked out by that. i can't sleep at night cos i'm scared i won't wake up... i keep obsessing about how my biological systems might just choose to go haywire and I end up dying because of that... or if my heart just chooses to stop... just because it just chooses to do so... and i am scared of going to jog and exercise... cos i might just drop dead due to over exhaustion... and at this very moment, i feel my head throb a little and i wonder if that is prelude to stroke or something. i am driving myself crazy.
it is probably because of the recent deaths reported in the papers. so many young people passing on... death use to seem pretty much at a distant... well i know not all die at a ripe old age of 80 or so but you do believe somehow that you would reach that ripe age of 80 maybe... or at least when you are ready to die... knowing that you have pretty much done whatever you've wanted to do in life. I want to graduate and wear my gown and mortar board... i want to go on and do my masters... i want to take on permanent residency in melbourne...i want to get married and have kids of my own... i want that beautiful house with my own touch of interior designing... i want my parents to be able to spend my hard-earned money... there are so many things that i want and have yet to achieve, and so it scares the hell out of me that i feel like i am dying soon. i mean, i'm sure those youngsters who have died recently had similar dreams... and all that erased at just a blink of an eye. one minute you may be minding your own business in an army storeroom and the next minute you're dead from the impact of a plane crash... one minute you're camping, the next minute you are hanging on dear life, pinned under a tree... one minute you're driving on the freeway, the next minute a wreckage from an accident on the other side of the freeway comes hurtling through you windscreen.
i have become soooo aware of my surroundings... it is reminiscent of 'final destination'... so it is pretty depressing and stupid all at the same time... my paranoia is getting the better of me and that is pathetic. but the point is that this crazy fear is affecting me somewhat... and that sucks!.... humans are such vulnerable and fragile creatures
cravie |15:40
of dilemmas and fickle-mindedness and of being anti social
the previous post didnt come out here... dunno why... blogger is being a pain la... anyway... i just wrote about how i've gotten the money to get myself an air ticket to melbourne... i am 99.8765776% going to Melbourne come july... thanks also partly to the gst offset package... 300 bucks! woohooo.... but at times i feel like i should just keep all this money and spend it on shopping or something... or on that long overdue capoeira lessons i told myself to take up since freshman year....or on an alternative holiday destination.... but oh well... i miss melbourne so muchhhhhh... anyway... my bro's damn ecstatic that i'm coming over.... and i miss my nieces... and sabbie too... haha... can't believe that but yeah.. i miss her as well... and i get to see my melb uni mates too.....whee... i was thinking of trying to look around for a job something that i could maybe take up after i graduate next june... so that instead of trying to work here in singapore to save up money for my masters fees... i could maybe work over at melbourne... then i can get myself settled in then... work my ass off.. save money like crazy... find meself a decent space to stay in... and hopefully i could do my masters soon after... it'll be swell if i could do a part time masters too i guess... we'll se how......... but my main concern right now is just to get out of singapore... and enjoy myself... walk myself around melbourne.. and just soak in all those terribly missed spots...
these few days.. since the past week or so i have been staying at home most of the time... i only go out to tutor... and i'll spend my time watching tv or the tvuplayer... and alluc.org is a lifesaver=)... i kinda unhappy with some of my close friends... so i kinda not miss them at all.. i dont even wanna see them... on top of that i get to save my money by lazing around at home... and yeah.. i've become kinda anti social lately... i just don't feel like meeting people right now... i really have no idea why.. suddenly, i feel like i am fine being alone... and i am fine being friendless... sheesh... i wonder what's happened to me... maybe one of the reasons is that i feel that my friends don't seem to bring me that kinda joy anymore... it's like i can't trust them anymore... i mean if your own best friends can make you feel so lousy about yourself..... hmmm... ah whatever la....... so yeap... right now i'm contented just staying at home... and basically just be a pig... it sucks also that the millions of resume sent out garnered no response at all... so i give up... i'll just depend on my tuition as my only source of income right now... and all that money will go towards my trip to melbourne... anti social yes i am, i know this is only towards my own detriment but like ellen degeneres always says... live the moment ... and i'm living it right now... at this moment i am fine with my life as it is... i am fine being alone and stuck at home... i am fine... everything's just fine and dandy thank you...
cravie |15:41
of dilemmas and fickle-mindedness
cravie |20:23
melb-mope
i am quite determined to go melbourne this july... maybe around july 7th and come back just in time for the start of honours year about one month later. it will prolly mean that my savings will totally be wiped out for good(?)... but i think i really wanna get away this break.. and since i really miss melbourne... always thinking about melbourne and talking and dreaming about melbourne... i think i shall make my way there... just to get out of this miserable singapore... it'll be winter by then... but i reckon i could still check out a lil bit of the surf breaks... and practice my surfing again... thank god for wetsuits.
i just need to come up with prolly about a thousand bucks or so for the flight... no worries for lodging cos i can bunk in with my bro... and food... well he's working... haha... and he did say food will be free for me too! haha... and there's always the 2 dollar fish and chips at crown casino... and well i can certainly make do with lesser food intake........ i won't aim to shop... lest i really find something i really dig! haha... so really... i just need to worry about airfare right now... i sorta have half the airfare now... and hopefully i could get the rest in time to get meself an air ticket to melbourne!................................... i hope this will materialise.... i really need this before the onslaught of an expected treacherous fourth year... and to think that the next long break i'd have would be me frantically seeking a job and getting intimate with the bitch-of-an-arse-real-world...........
cravie |21:56
at my lowest low
i dunno why i am feeling kinda touchy these few days... i think that i've been getting too many reactions from people about my hair... none good... it's alrite if my hair's ugly... cos i'm ugly anyway... i wouldn't have minded bad comments about my hair or anything about me usually but not right now... cos i'm going thru a lot right now such that i am barely holding on to the last threads of self esteem and of self dignity... so i decided to take down that stupid post on my haircut... change has never gone down well with people around me. i dunno why... i guess people experience that all the time... i never do things right it seems... i feel like shit but nah, i'm not blaming anyone... it is just myself to blame cos i really just can't handle all these petty and trivial stuff at the moment. i guess people would usually appreciate honesty but sometimes, lies can be beautiful to the ears too... actually people don't have to lie... they've just gotta let me down a li'l bit gentler... especially those whom have never heard a "what's up with that..." from me before.
cravie |23:58
BLOGTHINGS
You Are Batman 
You Are a Sensitive Kisser 
You Are 60% "Average American" 
i'm supposed to be studying... but got inertia la... and i thought i'd just do these silly quizzes... cos fiza just did one and i realised that i have never had one on my blog... i'm just bored to death... i want exams to be over and done with...
cravie |12:31
the inspiring one
Name:Muhammad Hafiz B Roslee
Age:24
From:within the constraints of mediocrity and on the outskirts of perfection
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