Proceleusmatic Me

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

There's a problem with one of my anatomical features... my eyes... i tear easily and i think it's a problem. but then again, when i started sobbing while watching the season finale of grey's anatomy, i think there's something more than just erratic, dysfunctional and easily stimulated tear ducts...The real problem is that I empathise too much into the lives of the characters and their emotions are unfortunately deeply felt by me...which i think is pathetic!

As you all know I have been watching grey's anatomy non-stop... and last night I was watching 5 episodes back to back. The whole time I was sleeping right after the last of the episodes, all I dreamt were about Meredith Grey, George O'Malley, Izzie Stevens, Christina Yang and the other protaganists in the series. The last few episodes of the series were to me emotionally draining and my heart ached so bad!(not literally ok! for those who know that i have a heart murmur condition) Watching the episodes back to back like that has a profound effect on you, as it not only transports yourself into that fictional world, but it holds you down inside that world and the danger lies in the fact that it is hard to come out of it and let go fo that fictional world. I feel like suddenly my world has stopped altogether just as the series has drawn to an end and I could only look forward to the next season in order to get my life going again! (note that I feel that I am indeed pathetic but when ur ears were stuffed with earphones and the screen was right in your face, the whole experience were far from something fictional or a mere fantasy... hahah!)

I will get over this by tomoro la... but the more important thing that came out of this is that I have learned a great deal about life and reality. It does not necesarily mean that I definitely know for sure now what life, relationships and emotions are all about but i've gained a different persepective or that the last few episodes of grey's anatomy has just awaken something in my subconscious. I mean, I feel like there's something new that I have discovered or further understood about life, where in fact, I had probably knew about all these all along... I'd just refused to acknowledge it till now.

Rationality,Vulnerability

These two things were to me the striking themes that ran through the series and which has made me realise a few things.

I am quite convinced now that love does indeed make us irrational... love eradicates our cognitive ability to think properly and engage in rational thought because love is in total anti thesis to anything rational. People do indeed go crazy when they're in love... and the term "crazy in love" has a whole new meaning to me.

All of us are vulnerable. We think we are superior and in control of ourselves that we sometimes forget that we are far from being in control. we are really under the mercy of something greater... for thos atheists out there, I am not suggesting that you should belive in God or a higher supreme being but even Science is largely more powerful in which we are at the mercy of. Well renowned doctors harp on their abilities to cure and revel in the fact that they are excellent in what they do best but when the very essence of what makes them a doctor, once taken away, surely sees that their world comes crashing down. A cardiologist, who is celebrated for his impeccable skills as a surgeon surely takes on a whole new perspective when he risks losing completely the function of his arms. he tends to feel he is lesser of his whole being

I am not preaching nor am I philosiphizing...rather, this just acts as a reminder of certain things important in life. we are humans and we tend to forget easily and somehow i need to remind myself about these two natures (rationality and vulnerability) that is integral in our very existence. in my opinion, these two are not separate but are indeed mutually reinforcing, just because our rationality would take us out of possible self destruction due to being overwhlemingly consumed by our vulnerability... while on the other hand, the realisation of our vulnerability would only enable us to rationalise our ways through the journey of life, as we live our lives knowing we have only so much control over things in our grasp.

*oh and i think izzie stevens (Katherine Heigl) is damn hotttt!*

cravie |15:04

Monday, May 29, 2006

STUCK

Stuck.

cravie |22:30

what a stud!

I love girls with nose studs! nothing fancy on the nose... just a simple plain silver stud on the nose is just such a turn on for me... HAHAHA...

Just came back from the outing with the MAKCIKS... IKEA and then lunch at Banquet AMK and we deceided to drop by Atok's. I am tired... dunno why, cos we didn't do that much walking really.

WOOHOOOO! there's "so u think u can dance tonight" and well, grey's anatomy, which I dont friggin care now since I've gotten to watch wayyyyyyyy further episodes than the one showing on channel 5. Grey's anatomy is damn funny althought it does also really sets u thinking about a lot of things in life...especially those pertaining to relationships; that between a daughter and the mother, the interns and their superiors, that between friends and room mates and obviously between lovers

And Boston Legal was a blast last night as usual! haha.. that show is totally fun to watch every damn episode. That show totally displays eccentricity at its finest (as paradoxical as that may sound)... but really... Alan Shatner and Danny Crane are completely weird people la

Hopefully I'll get to watch X-men tomoro cos I can;t wait anymore! and oh! I got my alarm clock already! aaahhhh. so ol skool! cos u have to like wind it up regularly... no batteries at all... blardy ol skool lah ! i likee! and yeah! now i dont have to be worried that I cant get up on time... i think the whole of bishan would be awoken by my alarm clock lorrr! damn loud can!

au revoir le monde! je veux manger! haha!

cravie |18:36

Sunday, May 28, 2006

tagged

i have been tagged by fiza just minutes after my last entry... thanx ah eh! and what a weird list of things that i'm supposed to do! sheeeeessshhh!

*Once you have been tagged, write a post with 24 weird facts/things/habits about yourself then tag 6 other people*

1. I have a curse. Whenever I comment on someone else's huge ass pimple, I will get that very same huge ass pimple on my face the very next day. Just like the one i am nursing rite now thanx to Cheong Chye's damn-cannot-resist-to-laugh-at pimple which I'd totally made fun of a few days back. KARMA's a bitch on a whole new level for me when it comes to pimples.

2. When I sleep, I have to make sure that my feet do not get exposed. They should be snuggled under the covers, otherwise I won't be able to sleep at all... I have a crazy idea that 'someone' will tickle my feet sometime in the night...

3. I will use my mobile hands free while driving all alone even though I am not on the phone because I always sing while driving so that other road users will at least think that i am actually talking on the phone rather that sing to myself in the car like a lunatic... paiseh la if they noe i was singing to myself !

4. i have ever spent an entire day and night in front of the tv...getting up only to go to the bathroom and to get food...yes... the whole 24 hours.

5. i shaved the hairs on my toes a long long time ago when my cousin commented that the hairs were really long (they were not that long lorrrr!) and because of that, the hairs have continually been growing uncontrollably and look really bushy... now i have to regularly trim them... thanx Sabbie...

6. The last plane ride i took was from Bali to Singapore a couple of years ago and there was so much turbulence I really thought I was gonna die that I muttered under my breath the 'kalimah syahadah'... i REALLY thought I was gonna die...

7. I used to like my sister cry for no apparent reason just so that I could console her when she cries.

8. I used to enjoy shooting down house lizards with rubber bands and later poke a satay stick through its body and burn it over the stove while it is still alive... YES I know I am evil...

9. I am very very very scared of small spaces... yes I am claustrophobic...

10. I am TERRIFIED of snakes... DEAD-SCARED of 'em

11. I am so terrified of snakes, I used to check the toilet bowl every few seconds while I was doing my business during one time when I read about a snake they found in a toilet bowl somewhere here in Singapore

12. I love plucking my nipple hair using tweezers... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

13. I don't fancy girls with short hair, like seriously don't like girls with short hair... like crazy don't like

14. I need at least 20 minutes to relieve my bowels... AT LEAST 20 minutes... i dont do 'quickies'

15. I love burning things... I really luuuuurrrrrrrrrvvveeee burning things... not just enjoy... but really really just relishing in it

16. I always hold my pee... I have ever felt to urge to really pee at around 8 am but I held it until 11 pm... I swear! no joke!

17. ...because I hate public toilets... cos i don't like to use the urinals cos some guys just like to stare and the cubicles are not always vacant and so I always end up goin to the toilet to just wet my hands, dry 'em and leave, stil with the urge to pee... so might as well hold it rite

18. I HATE sharing my food! hahahahhahah!

19. When i am in the passenger seat in a car, my right leg is always simulating a stepping on the brake pedal action because I don't trust others to drive the car

20. I find friendly strangers really really weird

21. Oh I forgot!!! I have to have my back facing the wall when I sleep in my bedroom and not to the door... or again... I really really wouldnt be able to go to sleep

22. I'd rather lose an ezlink card with substantial value inside than embarass myself to ask the passenger at the back to get the card for me that I had dropped beyond my reach to his side

23. I 'd rather miss my stop then having to struggle my way through a crowded bus or train. I really won't even try to find my way through... I really won't

24. I secretly love the fact that I can be really really weird and psychotic

cravie |17:05

face gets in the monitors

I've been at grey's anatomy for hours since last night... watching consecutive episodes back to back... to the point of dreaming about being in the hospital while i had a lil nap just now. Yeah! what a demented thing to do but i just have nothing else to do... or rather, i dont have anything else that i'd really wanna do more than just lie down on my bed with the laptop in my face. I am a SLOB! HAHAHA! but hey, i've been out pretty much the whole past week and am definitely expecting more outings this coming week.
Tomoro will be IKEA with my aunts! hahaha! yeah.. sounds funny but i just thought i'd be a nice nephew and drive 'em to IKEA and let them shop... I have to get some stuff for my mum from there anyways... and I really need one of those really old skool alarm clocks that ringsssssssss really loud... u noe.. the metallic kinda clocks that look like they have chinese hair buns or just funky looking ears... cos really... no other alarm clocks seem to be able to wake me up anymore!

I can't friggin wait to watch X-men III... been anticipating the release of this movie for eons and Thursday will be Sentosa again but with the army dudes. My skin is not even through peeling from the previous sunburns i got during the Sentosa with fiza and suresh but I miss beach volleyball lah. But errrmmm i think it'll be pretty crowded at sentosa now that that the skool holidays are here! DAAANNNGGG! Think i'll drive that day cos I wouldnt wanna be in the bus and all la... surely crowded siaakkk!

Damn the weather is perfect today! to sleep in that is... although I could make myself productive and start listing down the things i'll need to get before I leave for Australia. Need stationary (cos it's apparently cheaper here), toiletries (in case i can't find the brand of toiletries I use over in Melbourne), some polo tees, socks...yadayadayada....

think i'l' go watch some teeveeeeeee now... the shopping can wait... today is yet another 'stay indoors' day for me and I " am lovin' it!!!"

cravie |16:29

Saturday, May 27, 2006

virgin blogger i am not!

I have had two blogs prior to this new one and apparently, I am now determined to commit myself to dedicating my thoughts wholly (well maybe not everything that pops up in my silly head lar) on this beautiful piece of vitual canvas that will continually be coloured with beautiful paints of words, that hopefully will make sense to my readers. Honestly I really cldnt be bothered to blog lah cause i think there are a ton of other more important things to do in life besides divulging your possibly very very inner sentiments and thoughts which may not matter to anyone else besides yourself. Furthermore, I find blogging extremely exhausting because if I were to just spit out watever that's in my head... the sentences here will totally be incoherent and inconceivable to many and as such it takes a whole lot of effort to display something remotely comprehensible to everyone.

Yes! I am very long winded... In know that because I always find myself fumbling when speaking up in tutorials just because I take so long to get my point across that I will inadvertantly forget what the point i wsa supposed to get at in the first place. ANYWAY!!! PROCELEUSMATIC!..............................................................what does it actually mean... well go figure! and YES! it IS a friggin English word and that which I hadn't conjured up myself... because I AM NOT THAT CREATIVE.... really I am not! I swear to God!

After two paragraphs long, I just remembered that I had initially wanted to explain the real reason behind my third attempt at keeping a blog going because even s I'm typing this out, I am persistently psyching myself up on the idea that I will find blogging totally fun this time round becauseeeeeeeeee I am going to Melbourne for the next six months on a Student Exchange Program and my dear friend, Fiza, insisted that I should really have a blog again especially since it'll be nice to write about my experiences in Melbourne and further insights on my life severed from my family and friends. So this blog would prolly be either an advocate for the positive image of the "one of the most livable cities in the world" or a harsh critic against the unpleasant realities in Melbourne... but considering the fact that these would be based on my personal perspectives, it would not necessarily be an accurate account of the what life really is like for everyone in Melbourne... but hey... I want to write about melbourne like that what! so lemme be la siaakkkk! (yes i have an alter ego... thats why when u read my blog it'll be like a dialogue between two individuals like that... )

In two weeks, I'll be at the airport at this time... and will be off to Melbourne... I am blarrrdy excited but at the same time I am pretty troubled by the fact that I won't be able to see, touch, hold, kiss, smell, hit, kick and hug my family and friends for the next six months... the prospect of that is killing me but eh come on la hafiz! don't be a friggin baby can?!

look forward to greater things on this blog yarrrr... u will prolly just get to know more about me and grow to love me in time... but siak ah hafiz! who gives a friggin shit that you even exist?!

cravie |17:23

PSSssssstttt

Psssttttttt

cravie |13:45