Proceleusmatic Me

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

There's a problem with one of my anatomical features... my eyes... i tear easily and i think it's a problem. but then again, when i started sobbing while watching the season finale of grey's anatomy, i think there's something more than just erratic, dysfunctional and easily stimulated tear ducts...The real problem is that I empathise too much into the lives of the characters and their emotions are unfortunately deeply felt by me...which i think is pathetic!

As you all know I have been watching grey's anatomy non-stop... and last night I was watching 5 episodes back to back. The whole time I was sleeping right after the last of the episodes, all I dreamt were about Meredith Grey, George O'Malley, Izzie Stevens, Christina Yang and the other protaganists in the series. The last few episodes of the series were to me emotionally draining and my heart ached so bad!(not literally ok! for those who know that i have a heart murmur condition) Watching the episodes back to back like that has a profound effect on you, as it not only transports yourself into that fictional world, but it holds you down inside that world and the danger lies in the fact that it is hard to come out of it and let go fo that fictional world. I feel like suddenly my world has stopped altogether just as the series has drawn to an end and I could only look forward to the next season in order to get my life going again! (note that I feel that I am indeed pathetic but when ur ears were stuffed with earphones and the screen was right in your face, the whole experience were far from something fictional or a mere fantasy... hahah!)

I will get over this by tomoro la... but the more important thing that came out of this is that I have learned a great deal about life and reality. It does not necesarily mean that I definitely know for sure now what life, relationships and emotions are all about but i've gained a different persepective or that the last few episodes of grey's anatomy has just awaken something in my subconscious. I mean, I feel like there's something new that I have discovered or further understood about life, where in fact, I had probably knew about all these all along... I'd just refused to acknowledge it till now.

Rationality,Vulnerability

These two things were to me the striking themes that ran through the series and which has made me realise a few things.

I am quite convinced now that love does indeed make us irrational... love eradicates our cognitive ability to think properly and engage in rational thought because love is in total anti thesis to anything rational. People do indeed go crazy when they're in love... and the term "crazy in love" has a whole new meaning to me.

All of us are vulnerable. We think we are superior and in control of ourselves that we sometimes forget that we are far from being in control. we are really under the mercy of something greater... for thos atheists out there, I am not suggesting that you should belive in God or a higher supreme being but even Science is largely more powerful in which we are at the mercy of. Well renowned doctors harp on their abilities to cure and revel in the fact that they are excellent in what they do best but when the very essence of what makes them a doctor, once taken away, surely sees that their world comes crashing down. A cardiologist, who is celebrated for his impeccable skills as a surgeon surely takes on a whole new perspective when he risks losing completely the function of his arms. he tends to feel he is lesser of his whole being

I am not preaching nor am I philosiphizing...rather, this just acts as a reminder of certain things important in life. we are humans and we tend to forget easily and somehow i need to remind myself about these two natures (rationality and vulnerability) that is integral in our very existence. in my opinion, these two are not separate but are indeed mutually reinforcing, just because our rationality would take us out of possible self destruction due to being overwhlemingly consumed by our vulnerability... while on the other hand, the realisation of our vulnerability would only enable us to rationalise our ways through the journey of life, as we live our lives knowing we have only so much control over things in our grasp.

*oh and i think izzie stevens (Katherine Heigl) is damn hotttt!*

cravie |15:04